Lily's decision, prequel
by Ranekaera
Summary: AU, prequel to my story, Forgiveness and undying love. There will eventually be a sequel as well, please R&R, flames welcome! The reason and method she used to escape death to go back to her past.... chapter 5 is up!
1. Indecisive

Hey, this is the prequel to my story, Forgiveness and undying love. If that confused you at all, you should read this one. It should be short.

Enjoy!!

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Lily Potter sat in he bedroom in Godcric's Hollow changing her one-year old son, Harry. His gfreen eyes were watching the multicolored bubbles blossoming out the end of his father's wand.

She had finished her last year at Hogwarts and married James Potter. They now lived in a house his parents had lived in before, but they passed away.

Something was still nagging her though, and she knew what it was.

For as long as she could remember, her best friend had been a wizard named Severus Snape, and she had loved him. He called her a mudblood, joined the Dark side and acquired a twisted sense of fun from his motley friends shortly after arriving with her, and she decided to turn him away.

Whenever she saw her old friend these days, he was looking mmore forlorn, pale and depressed than ever, and she thought she knew why. Why had she been so cold and unforgiving? Why had she let what other people thought of their friendship get to her?

She had taken a chance last time she visited the Ministry of Magic. She had stolen a Time Turner. She couldn't bear the thought of living herhappy life with her husband and young son without knowing if it may be the only path she had had. She just didn't know exacly what she was thinking of doing. Was she really going to leave Harry behind with James and go apologize to her childhood friend in the past?

She looked at it nearly every day, until she could bear the temptation no longer. She decided to do it that very night, Halloween.

But there was a catch.

She was upstairs in her bedroom, and James was downstairs plahying with Harry when she heard him shout upstairs.

"Lily! It's him! Take Harry and run! I'll hold him off!" she heard her husband shout. Surely, there could only be one "him" that would instill so much fear for their son. Lord Voldemort had found them at last.

James ran upstairs but was cut down from behind by a killing curse. Baby Harry spilled from his arms, and Lily, screaming for her dead husband, rushed down, scooped up her son, and ran back into her bedroom, fearing the worst.

She would die this night.

"Not Harry! Take me, kill me instead!" she yelled defiantly, shielding Harry with both arms spread wide. She held the Time Turner in her left hand, carefull not to let him see it. She had confidence in what would happen. She would save her son by dying for him. But she would use the Time Turner before her body hit the floor, affording him her loving pretection, and destroying the Dark Lord once and for all.

"Stand aside, silly girl!" he yelled, and the look in his evil red eyes was terrible to behold. He raised his wand and Lily got ready.

"I love you, Harry. I'll never leave you," she whispered to him, and Voldemort shouted, "Avada Kedavra!"

She screamed and began falling, feeling her soul rushing from her body, and she turned the Time Turner back to her sixth year.

In the distance, she could hear Voldemort trying to kill her son, but his scream as he was ripped from his body. Next thing she knew, it all went black.

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What do you t hink for a first cvhapter? May only be a couple more, then I'm going to her journal entries during her eight years married to Severus... or maybe I should save that for the sequel? Review and let me know!!


	2. Back to before

Lily woke up behind a tree to shouts and laughter. She looked around. She was near a tree by the lake on the Hogwarts ground and the Time turner was still clenched i n her fist.

She remebered all that had happened and began to cry for the loss of her husband.

Speaking of her husband...

"Wash out your mouth. Scourgify!"

Lily peered out from behind the tree, her wand in her pocket, and saw James and his friends tormenting Severus, pink foamy bubbles pouring from his mouth. He was choking, and it was even harder to watch the second time around.

"Leave him ALONE!" she heard herself yell, and she saw herself point her wand at Potter.

This was too wierd.

She muttered a spell under her breath and pointed her wand at her past self, and she felt herself being sucked forward, towards the girl with the raised wand.

She was looking at James Potter, her wand held steady, and told him to take the curse off him.

"I don't need help from filthy litytle mudbloods like her," Severus spat, and Lily almost smiled. Here it was, her second chance to make it all right between them...

She blinked, pretending to be offended.

"Fine. I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you _Snivellus_." she said, and she stalked away towards her friends by the lake, whom in truth she hadn't seen for a couple years, but she had to pretend she had only seen them seconds ago...

She had no idea what classes she had next, this was all happening too fast...

That night, she met Severus oputside the Gryffindor common room, and told him she forgave him after he showed her his Patronus. It was the same as hers, but she already knew that.

Lily finally discovered what life would have been like if she had gone for Severus instead of James. He was absolutely wonderful.

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_Dear diary,_

_I know I shouldn't have left my son behind, but I have confidence that someone will take him in when they see I'm gone and take care of him. I know I would have died if I had stayed, so I know I'm not abandoning him._

_I still can't believe I used the Time Turner to go back and apologize to Severus. What if we start going out?_

_More tomorrow... I'm getting tired._

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What do you think? Please review!!!!!


	3. Journal entries

Alright, I need more reviews, or this prequel isn't going to be very long. Please! Digital brownies to whoever reviews first!

Enjoy!

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_Dear Diary,_

_Severus and I have started going out, and I can't believe I made it this far. He is really a lot nicer than he leton with his "friends" from Slytherin._

_Sometimes, I worry about Harry, and if he's ok in the future. I just hope no one sent him to my sister. She doesn't like me very much anymore, and I don't think she'd like Harry, either._

_Dear Diary, Summmer, 1978_

_It's the summer before our sixth year and I invited Sev over for dinner. I kissed him on the porch and it was good. He tasted like peppermint, and I know I'll never be able to smell it again without thinking of him. I hope I'm not falling for him over James, because I love him very much, and I miss him terribly even though technically he is sitll alive in this place and time._

_August 20, 1978_

_Dear Diary,_

_We went out to the store today, mum, dad and I, and we bought milk and bread and stuff for dinner tonight, but I don't think Petunia will eat. She's met a boy named Vernon and seems to be spending a lot of time with him._

_November 15, 1978_

_Dear Diary, I'm sorry I haven't written anything in so long, but I've been busy with school work and studying, and the only time I find to write is at night when everyone's asleep._

_I don't know what came over me today, but I invited Severus into the Gryffindor common room to study, and we kissed a lot. He still tastes like peppermint. But something is bothering me... I;m beginning to see les and less of the man I married in James Potter and more of the arrogant bullying git I knew before. It's making me forget the reason I married him at all._

_I keep the Time Turner close at hand at all times, just in case._

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Well, most of it is going to be journal entries, and some of them will seem pointless, but bear with it for a moment. It makes more sense towards the end. Please review!!


	4. End of he year entries

These will go one for quite awhile, and I'm having trouble finding a plot in all of this, because I'v basically already described it to a T. But you guys are still reviewing which means I must have left somethign out... or you just like me. Thanks!! hands out digital brownies If you spot any continuity errors, such as an event that already happened that I inadvertently changed, please let me know so I can fix it!

p.s. Do you think that, since no one lives there and Lily and sev "never married" in James Potter's timelien, would their stuff still be there from the past future? And did that make any sense? Please review and tell me!

Enjoy!

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_January 9, 1978_

_Dear Diary,_

_Today is Severus's birthday and I'm not sure what to get him. I think I'll get him a cute picture frame and give him a picture of us together. _

_My studies are going great and no one suspects anything, although I can tell James Potter is super jealous of Sev. I can't believe I never noticed the first time around._

_Next day,_

_Diary,_

_Severus liked the picture and he kissed me to show just how much. He STILL tastes like Peppermint, and I found out why. It's the deoderant he wears, I must be inhaling it whenever we kiss and I just think it's taste... silly me! And there I was thinking it was him tasting the potions he makes all the time... he's really very good at it_

_March 11, 1978_

_This year is getting boring. I've already done it, of course, and the second time around is easy work. At least I'm passing Occlumency for once. I failed last time I took my sixth year._

_James has been doodling our initials together again. I caught him at it in passing one day. I swear, I dunno what I ever saw in him. But he's my husband!! I'm so confused! This is harder than I thought it would be!_

_June 8, 1978_

_Dear Diary, I have been so busy with studying for the exams tomorrow, I haven't had a chance to even pick this book up. It turns out I couldn't find my notes for Herbology this time around, either. I had to borrow from Mary again._

_Summer vacation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3_

_I'll be spending it with Severus, of course, we plan on going out a lot. I think he has something up his sleeve, but I'm not sure what... he's been getting funny looks lately whenever someone mentions jewelry. I dunno what I'll say if he asks me to marry him... yes, I suppose, that was why I came back, wasn't it? To forgive him and see how it would have been if I had accepted his apology the first time?_

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Next chapter update may take a while... I have some stuff to do Please review!!


	5. The beginning of married life

Here, I just skip the wedding here, I only put one entry in for it, cause she was probly busy with Snape, hahahaha.

For those who are confused, this is a prequel for "Forgiveness and undying love". The sequel is called "Lost memories and lose ends". I'm currrently working on both, and none of these stories have anything whatsoever to do with my other snape fic "Snape's daughter".

P.S. Thanks to my good friend Donnie Amann for lending me the poem he wrote, I thought it really fitting for the story. Kudos to Donnie!

Please read, review and enjoy!

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_July 20, 1979_

_I can't believe I'm getting married again! I can finally know if it would have worked out between Sev and I.I think it would have, but I know I still don't belong here... I married James Potter, and I was supposed to die that night. Instead I came back here... I fear I may have to go back one day. But not now._

_I've picked out the dress I like, white with pink satin, and I've asked a grouchy Petunia to be my maid of honor... I think she said no when I told them all the nwes because she was hoping for once she'd get attention, and for that I sort of feel bad for her. I never meant to steal the spotlight growing up. I couldn't help but invite James, Sirius and Remus. I can tell Remus is happy for me, but Sirius and James seem taciturn and grumpy. James in particular and I know why. I feel so guilty. Like what I'm doing in wrong, but I guess that is one consequence of what I did, and if I truly want to find out, I need to stick with this. Although I'm worried I took Severus out of his own destiny to fulfill my alternate one..._

_September 5, 1979_

_Sev and I just got back from out honeymoon yesterday, it was so fun! I loved the part where we went to that srip mall and Sev got all confused over what all the electronics were, hahaha. I had to explain them all one by one. I think the store clerk thought us a bit odd, though. You'd never believe how white Sev is under all his robes, because I had convinced him to wear a t-shirt that day._

_September 11, 1979_

_I mopved into the house on Spinners End with Sev for the time being. I've left most of my things at my parents house, in case I ever want to visit. _

_The place is depressing and gloomy and I can tell Sev is self conscious about it. He knows as well as I that it's not exactly a dream home, but I'm not complaining. I'm just helping him fix the place up a bit, although it's still a bit shabby. I helped him re-connect the old television set in the rec room where his father hung around a lot, but I can tell he doesn't like going in there. Too many bad memories. I went upstairs and wandered into a bedroom and found old bloodstains on the sheets of a bed, but Sev said it was where his mother died, his old room, and I decided to just leave the room alone, for memories' sake._

_Sometimes, I think I'll wake up from a deep sleep and find that I really died that night... and this is all a good dream._

_November 19, 1979_

_Sorry I haven't written in so long, I'm starting to run out of pages..._

_Sev and I have been trying to make this place halfway liveable, but it's slow going. No matter what we do to it, it seems to resist all our attempts, and it's still gloomy, although we've fixed up the furniture and the walls and things. We've also gotten rid of a lot of the books on Dark Magic his mother had, but he insisted on keeping her favorite, as a keepsake. I just hope it's only that._

_I went out to the store in Salazara today, it really is a cute little town... bigger than Hogsmeade, but less places to go. I spent all day in and around, doing errands and doing research on time turning. There isn't much. I just want to make sure I'm not doing anything that could hurt Sev when I go back and he's returned to his destiny. I'll have to make it so he doesn't remember anything, but Im still no good at memory charms... I'm not ready yet..._

_November 31, 1979_

_Christmas is definitely coming. There's snow on the ground everywhere and Sev keeps making hot chocolate because it's so cold outside. I got a poem from him the other day._

_A special world for you and me_

_A special bond one cannot see_

_It wraps us up in its cacoon_

_And holds us fiercely in its womb_

_It's fingers spread like fine spun gold_

_Gently nestling us to the fold_

_Like silken thread it holds us fast_

_Bonds like this are meant to last_

_And though at times the thread may break_

_A new one always forms in its wake_

_To bind us closer and keep us strong_

_In a special world where we belong._

_It was so beautiful, I framed it and keep it in Sev's mom's old bedroom, where he's letting me stay. We sleep together most nights, of course, except when one or the other of us gets a little cramped. He claims I snore, and I got annoyed with him, but in truth, I thought it funny. The poem is one I plan to take back with me. It makes me wonder , if he really knows everything... it sounds eerily like something I would have wrote about this special alternate reality that is reality... but no. How can he? I think he was just trying to be romantic._

_December 19, 1979_

_It's colder than ever outside, and Sev and I had a snowball fight yesterday. We both charmed snowballs to fly at each other. Sev used a trash bin lid for his shield, while I used another, just like when we were little kids, but it was fun. I'm thinking of introducing him to muggle music this Christmas, although I'm not sure how he feels about AC/DC or Guns'n'Roses._

_Christmas 1979_

_Sev slept in. I guess he was never used to getting up early forpresents, and I left his at the end of the bed so we could open them the moment we got up, just like at school. Sometimes I miss school, and a lot of the time, I miss James and Harry, but I keep having to remind myself that they still exist, just in the future. A future that waits for me with open arms and an inviting smile, but I want to resist... I know full well I need to go back, but not now..._

_Sev got me a set of robes in my favorite color, sky blue, and they have little silver stars all over them, and I love them! He also got me a new journal, because he knows I carry this one all the time. I also got things from my parents, money and householdy things. _

_Sometimes, Sev even carries my journal for me, when I don't feel like it, but he's a gentleman. I know for a fact he never reads it, because I have it charmed to only recognize my voice and touch._

_I got him a set of potion-making books and ingredients, and he made me a delicious Pepperup Potion because I had a bad cold... I think he hadded something extra, because it didn't make me smoke at the ears, and it tasted wonderful, like cinnamon and peppermint..._

_New Year! 1980, 3 3 3!!!_

_It's the new year, and Sev and I celebrated by getting really drunk... it was my first time, and his, so we were pretty trashed pretty fast... Of course, we had Hangover Potion cures ready for after, because we've been planning this for awhile... Sev admitted to me after that he didn't like drinking because of his father, and we decided to save the alcohol for special occasions._

_Petunia turns 20 in a week. She invited me as a guest, but I'm not sure if I want to attend. She's been cold to me ever since she found out I was marrying a wizard, but Sev insists I go, for her sake. He seems to think we should keep in touch, I think he feels bad about tearing us apart._

_Happy New Year!_

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Well, there you are!! Sorry it took so long but I just got layed off work, and I've been down lately... Please review!!


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